So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
