It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize