Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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