Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
