My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
