i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
