Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
