kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pants are for mortals
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
