bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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