I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
