So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
