I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
