i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
