It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
