I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
