Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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