i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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