it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
