Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
