just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
