and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
