I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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