I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
