My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
