I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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