I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
