My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Enjoy the penises
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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