don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
