her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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