oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
