I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
