People with herpes should wear stickers.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
