A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
