They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
