is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
