Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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