He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
