Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
