the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
