aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
