he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
