Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize