Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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