If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
