I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
