This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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