A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize