I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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