is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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