So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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