i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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