Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
