The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
