get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
