I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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