38 yer olds are good kisserssss
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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