I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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