he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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