K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize