Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
