why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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