Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
