it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
