I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
