Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
there is glitter all over my balls
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
