He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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