Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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