I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
