you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
