He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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