So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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