i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
