Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
