I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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