1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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