Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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