Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
