Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
