Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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